Reality in Lakeland ...

So we head into Christmas planning a move for January. Scott needed to start his job on January 5th. I didn't want to stay behind so the plan was pack up everything we could that would not make the house feel chaotic through Christmas. We did manage to do that and about died the day after Christmas but it was all okay.

Scott met with a friend to list the house. After they left, I am pretty sure Scott was going to have a heartattack after they shared some things regarding the market in our area. But we talked through it and continued to believe we can't live in fear. We walked through the worst case scenarios and once again came back to this conclusion: it is really nice to sit around thinking we are "in" control and we "own" things and we "are" in charge. But the reality is we own nothing. All we have has come from the hand of God and we are simply stewards. So do we live our life in bondage to the systems our society has created? Would it be wrong to go and live it out? What if it goes bad? What does that mean? Failure? In whose eyes do we allow failure to rule us? What if it goes bad? We go back to Lakeland --- big deal. Sure it is a pain but what if God really reveals Himself more, builds faith, stretches us in the process and grows us a family? Do we just miss that out of fear? These are the things we had to process and work through. Regardless, we felt God leading. There were multiple times Scott said let's stop the process over my fear and anxiety. But it came down to what I told him: now, it wasn't about anything but obedience. I felt God wanted this and if we didn't do this because of my emotions, it would be complete disobedience. I think God wanted to do a work in me through the process and honestly, I didn't want to miss it.

I visited my doctor and shared my issues .... she prescribes great drugs for anxiety and sleeping. I filled them as precautions!!! What I do understand through all this is two things. 1. My body responds to stress through anxiety/panic. And 2. don't be afraid of emotion. I learned it is okay to "own" emotion, to walk through emotion of fear, feeling out of control, and own the feelings of it. It is okay to cry and pitch a fit and be scared and share it with God!! In the end, I was able to walk through the move without needing anything but two sleeping pills when I couldn't shut my mind off .... and that was not me ... that was all Him......again, He provides what we need. I continue to cling to that and I hope this will one day help my kids to know they are not alone... no matter what it may feel like.